t.g. invited Friend and i to a party last weekend.
Friend asked if there was a dresscode. “classy-ish… but wear an ugly christmas sweater if you have one.” said t.g.
“so basically he asked us to do the impossible.” she reported back to me. “basically he’s saying try to look cute in an ‘i’m not trying to look cute, i didn’t even know i’d be coming to this party’ way while also looking cute in a ‘fun ugly christmas sweater that shows i’m a good sport but doesn’t actually make ME look ugly’ way… which of course i don’t own and probably won’t find in the next 2 hours? awesome.”
we were already running late and had to settle for semi-casual dresses (with heels of course). not exactly festive, though when we stood together we had a vague red-and-green thing going on which was accidental but convenient. luckily for Friend after a bottle of wine and several mystery cocktails (she is one hell of a bartender when she sets her mind to it) she managed to steal the perfect christmas sweater, and from a cute boy no less. red knit with white snowflakes - the perfect amount of festive kitsch. it even matched her dress.
but then cute boy busted out another sweater. a better sweater. like, the mother of all christmas sweaters. this thing somehow managed to capture the spirit of christmas in yarn. there was a fireplace, a mantle, stockings, a tree, a dog by the fire, a cat in it’s bed, even a line hanging with hats and mittens. i wanted to live in the cozy little room depicted in this sweater.
Friend didn’t take it well. the following is a direct quote that i had the good sense to write down immediately because it so perfectly captures just why we all love Friend. and by ‘write down’ i mean ‘text to another friend’ (completely out of context with no explanation, but i was confident that she would appreciate the genius in it). it also reveals a competitive side that i didn’t know Friend possessed.
“fuck, i wish i had that sweater. think of all the attention i’d get… whatever, fuck. i’m still stealing this shit. even if he wins the party. and christmas.”
personally i didn’t think she was being overly dramatic at all. i was on her team 100%, and she did take the sweater she was wearing, with my encouragement. which is probably why i also went home alone. technically we went ‘home alone’ together, stumbling three large city blocks trying to hail a cab, finally making it onto a bus, failing to be able to produce appropriate change but evoking the pity of the bus driver who let us stay on anyways (for half a block. because we were closer to my house than we thought) and then eating corn flakes on my bedroom floor for an hour or so before passing out…
but none of this has to do with why we’re single. probably.
i have no doubt that friend will win christmas next year. i wouldn’t put it past her to fly to the north pole on a mission to sweet talk mrs.clause into hand crafting her a sweater made of rudolph’s hair. i also wouldn’t put it past her to learn to knit. she takes this shit seriously.
-e.k.
happy holidays all!
