You know what sucks as you get older? The fact that you lose that recklessness which allowed you to jump head first into anything and everything that remotely resembled an advantageous romantic entanglement. Nowadays, I feel like I just focus on the entanglement bit.
“Is this something I’m going to have to disentangle myself from in a couple of days/weeks/months/years?” I ask myself that again and again, and the answer, more often than not, is “probably.” Following this internal admission is an inevitable string of ignored phone calls, unanswered texts, and a myriad of excuses, excuses, excuses. I swear I’m not a bitch, I swear I’m not that girl, I swear some other girl is going to love the shit out of you, I swear this just happens, I swear I can’t control it, and I swear it’s at least partially not my fault. Really really.
Maybe this is why I’m single. But, at the end of the day, I just never again want to try so hard to forget someone. Erase them from my memory. Wish we’d never met. So if I’m going to take the risk, if I’m going to put you into a position where you might one day accidentally-on-purpose break my heart, you best be a prize fucking pony right from the get-go.
- anonymous
