The gym should be a really awesome place to pick up. During my many bouts of singledom, I’ve thought: “Wouldn’t it be fabulous if a hunky, outrageously tall and athletic man approached me in a casual, non-creepy way, engaged in a witty banter about music, books or current events, and didn’t check himself out in the mirror even once?” Instead, the only REAL conversation I’ve ever had at the gym (no lie) went something more like this:
About to get on the treadmill, young brunette is approached by 75-ish year old man
Him: I noticed you didn’t wipe down that treadmill before you got on. Did you know that HIV can live in sweat for up to 2 days?
Me: Um… No.
Him: Well, if you’re being this careless all the time, you should be worried.
THE END.
So why is it so hard for a girl who appears single (And definitely should be single, but more about that later) to snag a man-toy in such a highly man-populated venue? After a run-in with Attractive Male from Work yesterday, it became very clear that I will never, ever, be propositioned while working out.
Instead of approaching aforementioned Hottie with a clever quip (which, in any normal circumstance, I am capable of) I attempt to look REALLY hardcore on the stationary bike. I become totally conscious of how my face looks at every second, and squint really intently at my fashion magazine so that I look like I’m being mentally stimulated while training for the Tours. If anyone in close proximity took notice of my spectacle and noticed that the page was open to a perfume ad the entire time, they would likely conclude that I was a bit daft. I then hop off the bike, and saunter over to one of the weight machines while remaining completely disinterested in anything other than my iPod. Obviously after two reps, I’m exhausted, so have to rub my shoulder, look pained, and breath in sharply a few times. (I’m faking a chronic injury now, so that anyone closely following my regime understands why I’m quitting). Heading to the mat, I do some quick, very obvious stretches to demonstrate my flexibility but cover my horribly un-waxed legs. Finally, I see Attractive Male from Work approaching me from afar (who I have kept tabs on this whole time) so I get up, sprint to the stairs and book it to the girls’ locker room.
I am so coy.
And this, is why I should be single.
- s.n.s
