I don’t understand the internet. My extensive Google research assured me that starting a blog with Tumblr would be basic, simple, “idiot proof”. What’s inferior to an idiot? Me.
There were tears involved in setting up this blog. At one point my laptop nearly succumbed to a violent death - instead I attempted to calm my nerves with too much red wine. After five hours of angst and frustration, when Why We’re Single finally looked enough like a blog for me to admit defeat for the time being, I went on a late night mission in fierce winds to three different stores looking for chocolate*. Of course all stores were closed so I skulked home, drank a smoothie then proceeded to consume the entire contents of my fridge. I might have made one last half-hearted attempt at polishing the blog before passing out.
It’s all pretty hazy, but I can only assume that this note (found on the back of a crumpled receipt beside my bed) was written in a state of nausea, remorse and delirious mental exhaustion while I was sitting in the dark on the kitchen floor eating the last of the walnuts.
dear self:
please stop eating and go to bed. you have to be up in three hours. you are going to make yourself barf. you aren’t even hungry anymore.
dear pms:
i hate you. look what you’ve done to me. die.
dear wine:
you’re great. thank you. you probably don’t hear that often enough, but please know - i appreciate you. for reals.
I would be ashamed if I didn’t think that this scrap of paper encapsulates my personality so well. Need I say it? This is why I’m single. Fuck. I can’t believe I wrote ‘for reals’.
*the second late-night-chocolate-mission-in-evil-weather in two days
- e.k.
