April 2011
2 posts
IT's OFFICIAL!
Big WWS news for those of you who haven’t given up on me! The official launch date for “CATCH 25: why we’re single” will be MAY 1st, 2011. The new blog will be hosted by Blogger but check back to this page and I will provide a link to make the transition easy-peasy. From May 1st onward new posts will appear Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and it isn’t too soon...
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i should shower more.
dry shampoo overdose. i look like marie antoinette. this is why i’m single.
- e.k.
March 2011
4 posts
3 tags
our immune systems are why we're single. and maybe...
friend: i am sick.
e.k.: shit! sore throat and evil sniffles? feels like you swallowed a hedgehog and have been snorting drugs for 8 consecutive days? (which i have not FYI)
friend: oh no. oh yes. that’s the one exactly. also like the hedgehog crawled behind my eyes kinda. you too???
e.k.: yes! and then it had babies!!!
d.d.: (joins conversation): you two are in for quite the unwell...
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no boys allowed
from d.d. to e.k, 11-03-12 10:45 AM, via iPhone
“uggghhh i got home at 5 am may or may not have brought a guy home and then told him to leave bc i wanted to spoon with my girlfriend lol and he was cute fml THAT is why im single.”
- d.d.
this message almost made up for the fact that she wouldn’t come for three dollar breakfast mimosas with me. who says no to three...
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i love you. (seriously, YOU. like, the 'you'...
Due to the limiting nature of tumblr I assumed that only a teeny-tiny handful of my nearest and dearest ever read Why We’re Single. The recent abundance of disgruntled messages that I’ve received since I began posting infrequently is suggesting otherwise. Not only do I owe you an apology, I realize that you glorious people deserve to be kept in the loop. Yes, I have been a slacker....
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why i adore her/why she's single
“Why am I always hungry for nachos no matter the time or day?”
- Friend.
Spoken while making nachos a mere 24 hours after giving herself a third degree oven burn (nacho related).
February 2011
9 posts
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will cook for shoes
NOTE TO SELF: canned tofu chili is not a substitute for pasta sauce. even with fresh parm.
(totally why i’m single.)
-e.k.
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the time we ate all the food (alternate title:...
the theme of this past weekend was food.
friend, another friend and i decided to have a girls night in. we gave this ample thought and gathered all necessities: grimy clothes, comfy couch, marie antoinette on dvd and food. we got a bit carried away with the food; roughly a dozen macadamia nut cookies, 6 decadent cupcakes, chips and homemade dip (turns out not so homemade, according to other...
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a sauvignon emergency.
I’m sitting on the subway, predrinking nervously for my date. Warm white wine in the Nalgene - I’m all class.
I’m predrinking not because I’m nervous for the date part, but because I’m nervous for the who it’s with part. Apparently some switch got dislodged in my brain recently, and I decided that it would be a good idea to start dating a very good old...
sensory overload (i thought this might be funny...
disregard my last post. fuck writing about valentines day, i’m over it. i’d much rather write about my most recent misadventure. not because it’s good reading, but because right now blogging is the only form of therapy i can afford, and right now, i need some damn therapy.
so i mentioned my new job not too long ago. turns out it’s great. unfortunately we became short...
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valentinesday/bloggerfail
it would make sense for a blog called “why we’re single” to have run some sort of feature on valentines day, maybe even a countdown leading up to it. but this particular bloggess is a scattered disastrous mental mess (er…why i’m single?!?) right now and despite my brilliant plans and best efforts i failed. i really did have a few things lined up though i swear, and...
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high stress solution(?)/rating scale
I’m currently working in a job I really can’t stand. Some days it feels like sandpaper rubbed against my skin would be more enjoyable. I started taking up yoga practice this year to help with my stress levels, except I kept forgetting to be calm at work. So when I felt like I was going to lose it, I would politely excuse myself to the restroom and do a handstand. Its a lot harder to...
fuck you polycom (alternate title: snarling beast...
i just got a promotion(ish) at work and my brain is fried and overflowing from new learnings and that is my excellent excuse for not posting in a while. on the upside i have been embarassing myself left right and center and i fully intend to share my sad stories so you can’t be mad at me. here comes one right now.
so one of my new tasks at work is setting up video conference meetings for...
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a simple 'thank you' would have sufficed. maybe.
I’m having a bad day.
Do you ever have those days when you’re continuously complimented on how you look? One may take this as a huge compliment…. But not me. Not at all. Doesn’t the fact that even my prof made a point of hopping on the bandwagon to tell me I look nice today say something about my appearance every other day?!
I think I need to step up my game.
To add insult to injury, I...
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none the wiser
i closed my head in a closet door the other day.
that doesn’t even make sense right? hear me out.
you have to give the door in my hall closet a good slam to make it latch. i had just finished rooting around for god knows what and was preparing to turn away when i noticed that a good blouse had fallen off the hanger. i impulsively ducked back in to retrieve it in the same split second...
January 2011
12 posts
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sucker for punishment
i suspect that i am not the only girl who gets a strange thrill out of learning all about a new guy’s ex(s). i’m not a jealous person - if anything it makes me a little smug, because he’s not with her/them anymore is he? nope, he’s with me. plus you’d think it would be advantageous to learn just what he didn’t like about her/them, and why it didn’t...
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morning carnage
actual txt message i sent to my boss this morning:
2011-01-28 8:10 AM
stepped in freshly mangled dead bird. running ten behind. had to stop at coffee shop to clean carnage boot. sorry.
i’m not suggesting that i am single strictly because this work week decided to throw me one last fuck you chance dealt me a bad hand. i mean, that could happen to anyone. unfortunately before i...
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mixed bags
The other day I went to my most favorite used bookstore looking for gems and was over the moon to discover that he had both seasons one and two of Gossip Girl for only twenty dollars each. Only twenty dollars, which obviously means practically free. And seriously, free Gossip Girl?! Sign me up. But then I found a copy of On the Road that I don’t already own, Kerouac’s original scroll...
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boyfriend application no.1
For my girls (who should consider doing the same)… After much thought of what I truly desire in a man, I have come up with an in-depth, online application form to better serve your interests. Please only apply once. If your application is accepted, you will be contacted for intense scrutinization with the advisory board (closest girlfriends, and mom). If you are not contacted, you are...
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t.g.'s first date q&a/dealbreakers
E.K. and I were recently comparing date stories and came to the conclusion that, if a first date really is just an interview, why waste time by not asking valuable questions? Here’s three I promise to try out on my next first date! I’ll make sure to post some responses.
1- Would you go on a canoe trip with your siblings?
First of all, how outdoorsy is she? If she says no,...
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i should probably change the name of my blog to...
i forgot to put on deodorant today. i smell like a boy, and i just realized this ten minutes ago (it’s 4:30). i can only assume that yesterday’s anti-perspirant it still working for me, otherwise i would have noticed sooner. probably. good thing i didn’t shower this morning.
my logic might be skewed.
this is why i’m single.
because of the skewed logic, not because i...
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a gross verb
co-worker: “how are you feeling?”
me: “still sick. and these antibiotics are ravaging my system.”
co-worker: “yuck! yogurt with a probiotic. your intestines will thank you.”
me: “oh i know. i am yogurting like mad.”
co-worker: …
me: “that did not sound ok.”
co-worker: “yogurt is a gross verb.”
me:...
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blogger fail/ i'm kind of disgusting
i haven’t blogged in awhile. i haven’t blogged because somehow i managed to catch the plague some evil vicious beast of a cold/flu thing and i spent the entire weekend looking like death and feeling even worse not to mention that fact that i have a full time job in which i am expected to look presentable and be charming and was resistant to using more than one of the five sad little...
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batshitcrazy
“… oh you’d love her! she, jane, and i were pretty much best friends in england. but really she’s more like you and me than jane. like, this girl is goddamn crazy.” pauses contemplatively. “actually i prefer batshit crazy. when i hear the term batshit crazy i automatically think that it refers to us.”
- friend to e.k. (once again unintentionally giving...
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hopeless decoding (this one's for the boys)
Guys often state that the reason they are single is because they don’t understand girls. They don’t understand why they say the things they do, dress the way they do, or like the things they like. Sometimes, when the stars align and the planets are at the perfect point in their orbit we have little epiphanies. But mostly, guys can be completely hopeless when trying to decode the...
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is mother why i'm single? (alternate title:...
sequence of txts received from mother:
2011-01-04 8:20 pm
your cat. locked self in your bdrm today. came out mad as hell at me. gorged. vomited. wet vomit. middle of all. no scott-towels. rag. rinsed in toilet. sure wish i had vodka!
2011-01-04 8:27 pm
found vodka. cat lives for another day.
to further emphasize my subtle point:
last night i went into mother’s...
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facebook etiquette
just had the most hilarious thought:
how appropriate is it, when your long-standing crush breaks up with their girlfriend of 5 years, to “like” their “no longer listed in a relationship” alert on facebook?
- annonymous
tempting, no?
December 2010
15 posts
2 tags
happy new years (alternate title: don't be an...
ahh new years. a time of new beginnings, or something like that.
this time last year i was living in kingston. i had to work until close new years eve, but i wasn’t too bothered because i’d had enough of getting glam, stressing about which party would be the best party to commit my midnight to, dealing with the bitch of transporation and navigating mud and slush in strappy...
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(un?)ladylike
I do pretty well being single. I am an extremely independent woman, almost to a fault. I am strong and I work a “man’s” job, and do it just as well (and sometimes better) than they do. I can pick up 250 pound men with ease, but yet look absolutely stellar in a pair of Louboutins.
I grocery shop while looking fabulous, because you never know who you are going to meet out...
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nostalgia
There’s nothing like catching up with a childhood friend over the holidays to warm the heart. Or, as in this case, bring to your attention just how early you unintentionally set out on a path towards permanent spinsterhood.
e.k: Hey Mags, remember that time you made me wear the plastic cape?
Mags: You wore that cape on your own accord. I made you wear the plastic skirt.
e.k: Yeah, but...
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classy christmas cheer
know what’s classy? gifting a co-worker with a homemade port-a-loo* constructed using an empty water bottle, a plastic fedex waybill cover, and packing tape. i should totally patent that shit. it was kind of an inside joke, though based on her reaction i may have been the only one actually ‘in’ on it. my bad. whatever, i would totally date me, because everyone knows that the...
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'friend' almost wins christmas
t.g. invited Friend and i to a party last weekend.
Friend asked if there was a dresscode. “classy-ish… but wear an ugly christmas sweater if you have one.” said t.g.
“so basically he asked us to do the impossible.” she reported back to me. “basically he’s saying try to look cute in an ‘i’m not trying to look cute, i didn’t even know...
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welcome to my psyche (it's exhausting in here)
I recently received an anonymous submission for my blog via email. At first I thought that the content should probably be broken into separate posts, until I looked a little closer. The fact is, anonymous completely contradicted herself, and yet I could fully and totally relate to everything she was saying.
We had our first big snowstorm in Montreal last week and I didn’t have a hat, and...
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seeking: boy who appreciates irony
The most valuable piece of advice that I was given when I began Why We’re Single is that blogging anonymously is tricky. The world is small and the internet is smaller, inevitably at some point members of your nearest and dearest will put two and two together and figure out who you are. And I took this advice seriously. Ish.
friend: Ok, so I think the blog is a great idea, but what...
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prize pony
You know what sucks as you get older? The fact that you lose that recklessness which allowed you to jump head first into anything and everything that remotely resembled an advantageous romantic entanglement. Nowadays, I feel like I just focus on the entanglement bit.
“Is this something I’m going to have to disentangle myself from in a couple of days/weeks/months/years?” I...
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that time i tried to quit facebook
Excerpt of an email written to a friend during a particularly intense moment of withdrawal:
Am having trouble adjusting to life sans Facebook.
Pros:
1 - No more wasting time in a creeper trance flipping from profile page to news feed to friends profile page back to news feed to friend of friend’s photo album to my profile page and back to my news feed etc.
2 - Not being able to obsess...
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friends with benefits (?)
“the fundamental flaw” was just screaming for a male response, so here it is: ‘friend’ writes about the 5 pieces of advice for maintaining a perfect “friends with benefits” situation, brilliant. seeing as i’ve worked my way into, and out of, many of these situations here’s 5 (and a half) things you should never do. #1 never assume you’ll...
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bodylanguage
The gym should be a really awesome place to pick up. During my many bouts of singledom, I’ve thought: “Wouldn’t it be fabulous if a hunky, outrageously tall and athletic man approached me in a casual, non-creepy way, engaged in a witty banter about music, books or current events, and didn’t check himself out in the mirror even once?” Instead, the only REAL conversation I’ve ever had at the gym...
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the fundamental flaw
Excessive pickiness when it comes to guys, coupled with a phobia of commitment are a disastrous combination. Welcome to my life. I am notoriously single and many people wonder how I cope. The answer has always been simple: My 5 step plan for friends with benefits!
Step I- Have a good looking friend who is lots of fun, smart, nice and good in bed. They should live in a different city so that...
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wtf?!
you know when you’re on a date with someone that you’ve been out with a few times before casually, and you are at his house watching movies or something and you start fooling around a bit and it’s really nice and then things start progressing quickly and getting a little intense and you are into it but keep thinking ‘i really don’t want to have sex tonight because...
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“you know you’re starved of sex and nourishment when yogurt with maple...”
– friend
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awkwardness/confrontation/coffee
Spilled coffee on a guy sitting next to me on the subway this morning. He stared at me, blinking his horrified, loonie-sized eyes, unable to fucking believe me. He was so going for an interview, I just know it. And instead of comforting him with my womanly empathy while whipping out my Tide stick (which I don’t own, who are we kidding, since I am single) I literally bolted out of the...
November 2010
6 posts
5 tags
the token guy
I found it deeply comforting to learn that there are other girls out there in situations similar to mine, having similar issues finding love, getting laid staying in love and keeping love etc..etc.
Guess what I just learned? It isn’t just girls.
Meet my new friend.
Actually he isn’t my friend yet. He is a friend of a friend who caught wind of Why We’re Single and has...
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awkward
Know what’s embarrassing? When a co-worker catches you eating someone else’s obviously discarded lunch remains. They probably don’t care to hear that you spent all of your grocery money on vintage leather boots that are two sizes too big, but you tell them anyways. You know, so they don’t think you’re a hobo or something.
This is why I’m single. Thank god...
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*sigh*
Him: Can I get you anything at Starbucks?
Her: Oh, yes please!
Him: What would you like?
Her: A triple grande extra-hot non-fat no-whip white chocolate mocha.
Him: …?!?!
Her: Um… This is why I’m single.
- e.k.
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internet=complicated
I don’t understand the internet. My extensive Google research assured me that starting a blog with Tumblr would be basic, simple, “idiot proof”. What’s inferior to an idiot? Me.
There were tears involved in setting up this blog. At one point my laptop nearly succumbed to a violent death - instead I attempted to calm my nerves with too much red wine. After five hours...
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“Is it appropriate to offer to do a guy’s laundry in exchange for Pad...”
– e.k.
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intro (welcome to this blog)
Why We’re Single is not a blog about being single.
The phrase “this is why I’m single” or “this is why we’re single” became a catch phrase between me and some friends. It was generally used as a joke, a bit of twenty-something dark humour, until the fateful night when a drunken heart to heart with a friend lead to an epiphany: What if we have a...